Monday, June 23, 2008
it's 4:28AM now & i'm still not in bed??? was thinking, we used 2 talk & share prob till late everynite in de past but now it's different!!! if we could turn back de clock, it could be better... hais... i dun noe wad 2 say... juz wan 2 say u r once a important person in my life, since de day u appear, everyday was filled wif happiness... we haf been through all de good & bad times & juz hope things will get better in future... life is unfair, god will always test us so wadever test we took from god, we juz haf 2 pass de test & juz move on wif life... life is nv easy... ytd was talking 2 fang, she told me alot of things & ya, life is like tat so u juz haf 2 move on & be strong, she said!!! fang say since young i already dun haf a good life... but nvm... maybe in future there will be a better life 4 me... i believe god won't let a person live a life forever tat is miserable... de past few days, i really couldn't haf peace, u noe everyday i juz can't sleep... i really haf a prob... juz wan 2 sleep peacefully but can't??? everynite is like tat??? it's really enough!!! u seems 2 be very happy ytd, of course u will be happy but then i can't do anything??? i juz hope everything will be better... i had enough, i'm really tired!!! i dun deserve 2 live, i really hate life... i juz wan life 2 be better... thk 4 everything!!! 7months 23days??? everything change... juz hope u will be happy in future... i'm sad but still u haf 2 go, no matter wad all de best in ur future & take care... dun be stubborn, go rest more & when u can't breath, dun lie down... drink lots of plain water... get enough rest!!! hopefully there will be peace!!! it's really so hard 2 let go!!! i dun noe wad 2 do but juz felt so tired... juz couldn't sleep... it's de same prob everynite... i'm really tired... i juz got so much things 2 say but nvm... juz take care... thanks!!!u???
i really dun noe wad 2 say, can we dun contact cuz there are alot of misunderstanding, i dun noe wad huiqin say but then u really pissed me when i juz dun wan 2 talk... there some thing which is very important, i noe if u dun stop contacting me, i will get into trouble & soon u will also get in trouble & idun wan de both of us 2 get into trouble u understand??? i dun noe how 2 tel u but i really hope tat we won't end up going eslewhere??? really if u wan, go and contact huiqin instead, dun keep contact me... somemore u everytime talk rubbish!!! i had enough!!! ok, shall end here, take care...
4:28 AM
I Love You
Sunday, June 22, 2008
ok, finally now my uncle is asleep, and here i'm blogging... i dun noe when i can use com again but i think i won't blog anymore... i will end everything, i'm juz so tired... why??? i only wan dear 2 come back, i also cannot contact dear & i'm very miserable... i juz wan 2 talk 2 her but i dun noe how??? i wan 2 leave everything... i will end all de prob by myself... i really hate it... i dun noe how, i really won't come back unless dear dun leave me... i dun noe can, if she can juz stay & we dun fight then everything will be alrite but i dun noe can... i though of juz 4get everything & dun talk abt our prob & juz help each other but tat time dear suddenly ask me sth in de bus & then from there slowly i start 2 think abt our prob & untill now we haf so much misunderstanding... tat time i told myself not 2 think abt our prob & juz treat everything as per normal but out of no where, she suddenly bring out tis subject & now i dun noe how??? i dun wish 2 live, i really cannot contact dear, i dun noe wad 2 do now??? i wan dear... Arrrrr... i will end everything already, i dun noe wad 2 do... i juz miss her so much... take care...
cousin, dun worry juz take care of urself... let me rest in peace... i won't blog anymore... juz take care... dun worry abt me, i'm a failure & i'm sorry 4 everything, dun tel them anything, i dun wan them 2 noe, u juz dun worry too much abt me k... i juz dun noe wad 2 do & i'm going crazy...
Tell me where the rainbow is
Could you still give me back my wish
Why is the sky so silent?
All of the clouds are running to me
Is there a mask for me?
Recalling too much of the past words can accomplish nothing
Perhaps time is a kind of antidote
And also the first poison I'm taking now
I could not see your smile, how can I sleep well
Your silhouette is so close to me, yet I cannot embrace it
Without earth, the sun can still circle around
Without reasons, I also can walk alone
You want to go away, I know that is very easy
You said dependence is our obstacle
Even if we break up, but couldn't you not receive my love
Assuming I'm the last to understand
fang, i dun noe how??? thk 4 de words... perhaps i will listen 2 u... i need a break... i hope tat u will be fine after all!!! tis few days there seem 2 be alot of quarreling... u should noe, it's very tiring 2 quarrel everyday, in fact ytd also we quarrel!!! ENOUGH!!! let's take a break & i hope tis break could helps... i dun noe wad 2 say, if u dun care then dun bother, juz call me & u say wadever la??? u think it's funny!!! i was angry, but then i did not fight wif u, cuz u r de 1 who has attitude prob, not me... i juz wan 2 haf peace, i've been having nightmare since de day we quarrel till now... how many days already??? i hope when i leave now, i will be able 2 sleep in peace 4 tis few days... dun contact me??? leave me alone!!! i juz dun wan 2 talk 2 anyone now!!! PEACE!!! dun worry, u r busy, yes, i noe u r... everytime i called u, u will say u r busy, fine, busy then busy... let us cool down cuz i noe if we continue 2 talk, we will fight & i dun wan tis 2 happen, i'm really having headach, i need a break!!! i hope tis few days when i'm not around, we can haf some peace... there's alot of prob, which u won't noe!!! so juz leave it... i ask myself tis question & i wan 2 find de ans but i can't... i ask if we were 2 end "everything" will u still care 4 me??? my ans 4 NOW is i think no!!! cuz nowadays we haven end "everything" & de way u talk 2 me is very hurting!!! ya... we do get hurt but if everyday i'm getting hurt, can i live in peace, NO!!! then take ytd 4 example, de way u react, i was very angry then when i went home, i ask myself why muz u react tis way??? but i believe u... juz take care of ur toes... so i choose 2 leave now... i think it could be a good time 4 us 2 go & think through wad we really wan!!! so dun contact me... hopefully after we haf think through then we shall talk again!!! TAKE TIS TIME 2 THINK THROUGH & GIVE OURSELF SOME PEACE!!! i agree, peace seldom come... so now we shall create peace for ourself, tis way things will be better 4 de both of us...
fang: ru guo wo zuo chuo le jue ding... na jue rang wo chen dan yi qie... wo mei yi zhi dou you wen ti, dan, ni mei zhi dou zai bang wo... wo hen gan xie ni... ke shi zhe yi chi, wo pai wo hui zuo chuo yi ge jue ding, wo pu yao hou hui, ni zhi dao wo zai jiang zhen mei... dui pu qi!!! sorry!!! take care!!! fang, thk 4 de words... thk 4 de advise... i guess i really need a break, i'm really miserable, i juz wan 2 leave everything 4 a while... so dun worry, i will make sure i find back myself... u dun worry, take care alrite!!! see ya soon!!!
huda, dun feel guilty... no matter wad happens, i won't blame u... cheer up & dun be sad... i told u tat it is unfair... so juz leave it!!! sorry huda, i will not call u but after when i'm ready 2 talk then i will call u... i think 4 now, u should not think too much... take care & be happy... dun worry too much & think too much... huda, thk 4 everything... i miss u & thk 4 helping me all tis while, i dun noe wad 2 say but i juz miss u so much... take care k...
sha, i dun noe wad 2 say, i miss de time i spend wif u, i still can rmb tat time when we went airport tgt, u juz make my day... thk sha... thk 4 ur help when i neede u... i noe i'm not a good frenz but still thk 4 being there wif me always... u noe de reason tat make me feel so lost is i juz can't find myself back, i'm having so much confusion & i dun noe wad 2 do... thk 4 talking 2 me... hais, mummy, no matter wad i will still love u... i miss u so much, muz take care of urself... i'm so tired...
nabila, ya, i agree wif u... but then i dun noe wad 2 do... thk 4 de msg... i miss all de times when we share our prob... u noe u reminds me of sth... u told me... no no, cannot... somemore we are so close later "F" WILL THINK OTHER WAY ROUND... ya, so juz be ourself... nabila, sorry... thk 4 accompanying me all de times & thk 4 being there wif me everytime... nabila, dun think too much already... i miss u, hope i can hear ur voice & see u again... take care k... jean, i miss u... i dun noe wad happen... maybe we dun haf prob but then i dun noe... i really hope everything will be back 2 normal... i juz miss those times when we haf so much fun... hope we can be like in de past again, but now i dun think can... jean, i'm sorry if i make u angry or wad but i did not fail 2 think of u... i really miss u alot & i ask peisi alot of things abt u... i hope we can still be close again... i think now i won't be able 2 do tat... i really wan 2 leave everything... i'm sorry jean... pls take care of urself... sorry & thk 4 being there for me all those while... take care...
liting, hey, miss u like hell... hmm, tat time i nv call u back... sorry, was busy... hope jean, u & me can be close again... hais... liting... so much has happen... i dun noe wad 2 do... i miss u so much... i really dun noe wad 2 do, everybody haf their own life now... we can't meet up so often... u dun work so much k... take care...
i dun wan 2 go on anymore but i juz wan 2 tel huda, sha, nabila, fiona, fang, peisi, bear, liting, jean & u tat i juz miss u guys alot... thk 4 being there 4 me always... i'm always having prob??? hais... i juz hate everything... i think tis will be my last post already... pls take care of urself k... i'm sorry 2 give u guys so much prob... anyway i won't 4get all de times we spend tgt... take care everyone!!!
huiqin, take care of urself, dun worry abt de person who fake as u, juz 4get abt it... sorry k...
1:55 AM
I Love You
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
temporary blog closed!!!
i will leave now, take tis time 2 cool ourself down & let us haf peace for a few days, hopefully tis few days i will sleep in peace!!! dun contact me... take care... bye!!!
1:27 AM
I Love You
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
went out alone at 8am 2day in de morning!!! i went orchard, then i met a girl outside Orchard MRT station & she was crying... so i walk 2wards her & gave her a packet of tissue!!! then she say thank you!!! i say welcome then she say excuse me, can u talk 2 me 4 a while!!! so i say ok... then we walk & walk & walk and we walk untill somewhere which is very quiet, so we sat there & we had a talk... she ask me, wad is ur name??? i tel her lijun... then i ask her wad is her name, she tel me jesslyn!!! so i say wad u wan me 2 talk abt??? then she say, i'm very depressed, i juz wan 2 talk 2 someone but i dun noe who 2 approach & i hope u can listen 2 me... then i say ok, sure, i will lend u my 2 listening ears... then she say 2 me, my boyfrenz ask me for break juz now & i'm very sad, we have been tgt for 4months & 19days... then juz now i ask him why he wan 2 break wif me & he say 2 me tat he like someone esle... then after she say tis 2 me, it reminds me of de times when me & dear are tgt!!! but nvm... so i ask her, do u really love him & r u sure u wan him 2 married u??? she say 2 me, yes, i love him alot & i hope i can be wif him forever!!! then i say but he like someone esle!!! then she say i'm very sad, i dun noe why he suddenly like another person!!! then i say 2 her, love can't be control!!! then i told her dun cry & i put a tissue on her hand... then she say thanks... i was very confuse too... i tel myself, u r lucky tat u got someone 2 talk too, but me??? then i tel her if u really love him then u try 2 get him back... then she ask me haf u been in love be4??? i say no & i juz feel so sad... then she say, dun fall in love, is so hard... then i say in my heart ya, love hurts alot!!! then after tat i say i hope u & ur boyfrenz can be tgt again but now u haf 2 think 4 urself wad u wan 2 do!!! so she say thank u very much, u r a good person & i believe tat u will haf a good guy in future... then i say oh ok!!! cheer up alrite!!! then she say thanks, i feel so much better after talking 2 u... then i say ok, wadever happens in future, think properly & make a good decision for urself!!! then she say ok... so we went 2 walk walk a while then i went shopping alone again!!! then i spend de whole day talking 2 myself & i keep look at de things around me... then i dun noe why, i'm juz very confuse wif myself!!! i dun deserve 2 be love!!! wad for even if i'm handsome!!! look doesn't matter, but heart matters alot, to me!!!
thk sha (mummy) i miss u & i'm sorry 4 all de things tat i haf done!!!
thk huda (nenek) i miss u too & i'm also sorry 4 all de wrong things tat i haf done!!!
nabila, fiona, huifang!!! i miss u guys too... i wan 2 say thk & sorry... i noe tat i'm a bad person, i dun noe wad 2 do!!! i'm really sorry & thk 4 all de things tat u guys haf done 4 me... i really appriciate it!!! pls forgive me!!!
i haf been thinking, i dun wan 2 rush my brain, i'm going 2 break down soon... i guess i really really really need alot of time... pls dun rush me!!! i'm thinking everyday & my brain is cracking...
on sat i fainted & tat day, i haf learn my lesson... i really dun noe how much time i haf cuz de doctor already say i always nelgect my health & now he say once i really fall sick i muz really see a doctor & eat my medicine if not even god also cannot save me!!! i'm really scare... when i fainted, my whole mind was full wif dear & i was really afraid tat i can't see & talk 2 dear again!!! i dun wish tat 2 happen!!! i juz wan 2 spend de times i haf now 2 do things tat i like & wan!!! i really had nightmare, i had enough!!! i juz wan 2 sleep peacefully every nite but i juz can't... there's so many prob bothering me & nobody will noe!!! i need 2 rest now, my heart pains often now & i juz wan 2 say sorry!!! take care ppl!!!
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
8:54 PM
I Love You
